Do the commitments in your life bring you joy or weigh you down? Some commitments may be outdated and are no longer working for you and others may simply be in need of a renewal. This Saturday on February 6th Venus conjoins Saturn and squares Uranus, which is the reason this topic has landed on my heart. Saturn rules over commitments, obligations, responsibilities, and duties. Often, these words are loaded with negative connotations, but they don’t have to be. In fact, our commitments are meant to work for us - we aren’t supposed to work for them. This is something that is often forgotten. How many times have you caught yourself saying, “I have to do this” or “I should do this”? I know this is a language I often use with myself. But the truth is that we don’t have to do anything. We are always choosing to do the things that we do because we are benefiting in some way, even if our benefit is in the form of gaining approval from our parents or fitting into society. Belonging is a great motivator. Now, we may not always choose to do things out of a sense of joy or recognize the ways in which our commitments serve us. That is exactly what Venus is here to help us remember.
Venus is a planet about joy, love, pleasure, and relationships. Whenever she’s in the mix, she asks, “do you love it?”. It’s her job to make sure we aren’t neglecting our pleasure body or pleasure needs. It’s her mission to help us enjoy our lives. With Venus conjoining Saturn, I am reminded that I choose my commitments because I get pleasure from them, because I like doing them, even if I don’t like them in the moment. Saturn is a planet about time and age, not about instant gratification. Sometimes instant gratification is great - I do things that give me immediate pleasure all the time. But when Venus is paired with Saturn, there’s a certain kind of satisfaction that is only accessible through patience and persevering through tests. We can’t just walk away every time we have to do a hard thing. I mean, I guess we could and many do, but I’m arguing that that wouldn’t be very satisfying at all. This isn’t to say that it’s never a good idea to break free from something that’s constraining or is indefinitely heavy. By all means, sometimes it’s time to let go of commitments and responsibilities that aren’t serving us. That’s what Venus square Uranus is here to remind us (or at least, is reminding me).
Uranus is a planet about freedom and change. It can be rather impulsive and disruptive and when paired with Venus, we can be tempted to make drastic changes in relationships that we may later regret. We may want to do whatever we can to feel free. And sometimes, this pursuit of freedom is the very thing keeping us behind closed bars because it isn’t reflective of what we actually want. Sure, a good Venus Uranus aspect may help you finally break up with that boyfriend who you’ve been too scared to leave or perhaps help you to voice your truth to your partner that you’ve been sweeping under the rug. Venus Uranus aspects usually indicate it’s time to check in about your terms and agreements with others. Are they still working for you or do they need adjustments? Shake-ups in relationships are usually good- they help to bring in new energy and remind us to not take those that we love for granted. They are choosing to be with us and that is a gift. On the other hand, we may be distracted by shinier objects, more interesting people, or new and compelling ideas that become the apple of our eyes. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming or fantasizing, nor is there anything wrong with change. In fact, so many people stay in outdated relationships because it’s comfortable, even if they’re no longer in love or have outgrown each other. But, it’s important to be discerning when making decisions, even if those decisions are to stay. Staying in a commitment is a decision just as much as leaving is. Know your heart before you make commitments and know your heart before you break them. If you can’t know your heart because you don’t have enough information, then start collecting more data.
But, before you break free from anything, really think about why you’ve made certain commitments in the first place and what you’re getting from them. If you’re living a life based on an old value system from your parents that’s based on fear or some outdated dogmatic rule book that society created for you, then yes, perhaps it’s time to free yourself from those chains. Although we’re all subconsciously choosing these commitments, most of the time we are unaware of these unspoken agreements. Freedom comes when we consciously choose our lives. The more aware we are, the more free. Commitments are here to serve us, not the other way around. They aren’t inherently boring, heavy, or meant to keep us trapped. Ideally, they’re bringing you joy and happiness, even if every step isn’t pure bliss. Think about parents for instance. Of course there are many unhappy parents who probably wish they never had children, but there are also plenty of parents who delight in their children, despite all the poopy diapers and countless hours of playing peekaboo. Being a parent is not easy (as I’ve witnessed from my sister), but it’s a sacred responsibility that has the potential to bring a lot of satisfaction over time (if, of course, you’re not struggling every day to survive, which many are).
If your responsibilities aren’t serving you in some way, then it may be time to re-evaluate and check in about terms and agreements and make adjustments so you can live a more easeful life. And this is about all kinds of commitments, not just relationships. We are ever-evolving humans with varying needs, not duty-bound robots. Commitments, when we make them consciously and truly with our freewill, are sacred. They provide a sort of structure to our lives and give us meaning. Without them, we might be floating around aimlessly with little substance to our lives. Games without rules are no fun because there wouldn’t be a game to play. Similarly, life without self-created structures isn’t fun either! Now, this isn’t to say that there isn’t a time to be totally free of commitments. Sometimes open space is exactly what we need to explore. But, eventually there comes a time when building upon something is the next step to reaching more long term satisfaction, something that Saturn helps us do. Really, our freedom is reflected in our commitments because we are choosing to fulfill them or deciding to end them. There are always consequences for these choices (a Saturnian value), but it’s often up to you the outcome you get.
The next time you “should'' yourself into anything or tell yourself that you have to do something, re-frame! You don’t have to do anything, you get to do that thing. There’s joy in it somewhere. If there’s not, then either find the joy through changing your perspective, adjust the terms to better serve you, or exit the agreement. Venus conjoined to Saturn asks us why we’re doing anything if it’s not sacred; if it’s not ultimately fulfilling. Sure, we may choose to sacrifice some short term comfort and say no to other opportunities, but that’s life! By saying yes to something, we are saying no to thousands of other things. Notice how it feels in your body when you say yes. Does it fill you with anticipation? Excitement? Or do you feel dread inside? If so, where does that dread come from? Some old unhealed trauma or truly from your heart? What’s alive inside of you? Integrity to me means sticking to your truth and honoring the person you’re first and foremost committed to: yourself. If we aren’t living in accordance with what’s alive inside of us first, then we are doing a disservice to everyone else. Be of service to that life, that seed inside of you and your actions and responsibilities will feel good. If you make commitments with integrity by knowing your heart and your desire, commitments will feel freeing - because they are!